More and more I begin to see how past relationships keep resurfacing. A few weeks ago I was invited to a huge gala as a guest of honor to a former scholarship program I was involved in whilst in middle & high school. I was “One of the 52,” an alumna that had a large impact on the organization while involved/ after my graduation, by volunteering, mentoring, or tutoring. But that’s not what this post is about, this is about what happened while I was on stage.
All of the alumni got on stage and talked about our paths after graduation, what we are doing now and what we anticipate to be doing the future. I have to admit something. It was the first time I’ve ever completely owned and honored my artist title, especially in front of such a large group of people. Fully believing and owning my truth in that way has been a long time coming. Part of it was me not feeling I deserved that title and the other was being ashamed. Growing up, I’ve also been surrounded by incredibly academically focused people, and there’s been a part of that wished that I was passionate about academia in the same way.
But with unlearning the common narrative that art is not important. While also adhering to an intense artist practice, fully internalizing how important art IS, and what it means to bring it to communities spaces (which is what I’m all about), has instilled in me an unwavering pride to call myself a creator, an artist. Having the platform to stand up and just briefly mention what I am up to, and it being honored, was transformative for me. I felt proud while hearing everyone’s accomplishments, and feeling proud. I am thankful to experience these little, unexpected, cathartic moments offer unexpected healing.
Side-note: I wanted to write about this because I’ve been thinking about how blogs & the internet in general, only show snapshots of everyone’s experience. Behind that perfect Instagram picture, there was uncertainty, doubt, question of talent, etc. But for artists, it’s important to remember to not stop during those times of self-doubt. Just keep working, don’t stop, and own it.
All Things Color, Love & Fashion,
Ayanna Lane