Well, I really don’t know what to think. The shock for the most part has worn off and I have been trying to collect my thoughts so I can fully reflect on what happened today without coming across in a way that could easily be misread or misunderstood.
To say that today did not go well would, well be an bit of an understatement. I spent the night in school because going home for four hours and coming back to school didn’t seem entirely worth it to me. Plus the lack of sleep I have already had, sleeping on a couch at school suited me just fine. So fine in fact that instead of waking up at 8am for class, I woke up at 9:20am (mind you, class starts at 9:10am) Made it into class with everything ready and on the mannequins by 9:27am but still. Seriously? Of all the days to oversleep?? I literally felt like crying. Ha, I swear I don’t actually cry as much as this blog makes it seem.
I thought the worst of it was over, but when it came time for Amsale to finally look at my muslin, she dismissed it, saying something along the lines of “I’m not even going to look at it because I can’t even understand what this is.” I’m not going to lie, HUGE slap in the face, but I guess it was deserved.
I had spent the majority of the previous day attempting to drape in muslin and it was just not working out the way I wanted it to. By midnight, I knew if I kept going with it, I wasn’t going to have anything the next day, so I changed my direction. Instead, I draped the inner shell in muslin and did the more visible part in silk georgette to give better body to the dress and allow for better visualization. An unfortunate mistake on my part.
After Amsale went through all of our muslin mock ups, we all put our other dress on the form. Two days previous, I had figured out how to fix the problems I was having so I was pretty elated. I explained what I was doing and she said it seemed like I knew what I was doing and moved on. *Sigh* I don’t know. Perhaps I was expecting a little more input on her part especially because there are major problems with the dress I did show her.
I’m trying my best to see beyond what happened with the critic’s visit today. Having a friend like Mimi definitely helps. I know I’m not the only one struggling, a lot of seniors at FIT are having their ups and downs with their pieces. Senior Collection is such a different animal. You really have to be 100% firm on what you want because this semester is about working with your teacher and your critic to create your vision and while it is still your vision, everyone sees everything much differently than everyone else. We’re all stressed, wanting to create the most beautiful looks we can be proud of and we’re all striving to reach that point where we are all able to see our garments go down a real runway.
In my personal opinion, my biggest battle thus far has been trying to take everyone’s opinions and being able to internalize them to better benefit my vision. Instead, it has confused me, made me question myself as a designer and made me lose focus. It isn’t anyone’s fault but my own. Confidence has never been my strong suite, but I’m starting to trust in what I am doing again and am doing my best to get to the finish line.
Sorry for turning this into an inspirational tumblr post but having a little boost every now and then never really hurt anyone. It definitely made me feel better so…
Most of my major disappointments have turned out to be a blessing in disguise. So whenever anything bad does happen to me, I kind of sit back and feel, well, if I give this enought time, it’ll turn out that this was good, so I shouldn’t worry about it too much.” William Gaines
Damn straight it will be! Tomorrow is a new day! Fight, fight, fight!!!