Fairy Tale Pretties…and Oscars Snark

Trish Procetto, Hollywood tour guide and People Oscars Experience winner 2017

Hi, all! Happy Snow Day tomorrow! As promised, I am going to refer back to the Red Carpet Bingo card I posted about a month back. Turns out that we’ve suffered some slowdowns from our hack at the beginning of February, and it has taken a while to recover fully. Plus, we were pretty excited about the activities around International Women’s Day here. (You may have noticed.)

So on February 26, Hollywood threw a giant party for itself and everyone with enough money and desire for the spotlight, and, in a few cases, enough talent, showed up. We like this because they always show up dressed to the nines, and this is what FIT is all about, amirite? (Since it feels like February again, we can still talk about this, right?)

So here’s my list, based on the key I’ve repeated below. Note that after I go through the Cutesy/Not-Great list, I’m going to run through a short list of the Wow! That Worked! outfits too.

 

Didn’t want to see that! Blanca Blanco, didn’t your mother ever…? And Scarlett Johansson’s  side cleavage *and* terrible half slip.
Frankendress: Blanca Blanco, those shoulder sculptures! Hire a new staff!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skating Partners: Definitely Damien Chazelle and Olivia Hamilton in their navy/lavender.
EarrXXX Hair Ate Your Face: Halle, I love that you wore the natural, but those fine features were overwhelmed by that much pouf!
Blond on Bland: Nicole Kidman, pretty as the embroidered gown was, you faded away.

 

 

 

Yes, It’s Art, but? Naomi Harris, that dress was sleek, but did you mean to fade into pure form? (OTOH, you might be a fashion superhero.)
Mermaid Slink: Jessica Biel, you were shiny, but I liked Robin Roberts’ take better.
Giant Meringue: Kate Bosworth, but my 16 year-old self LOVES it!

 

 

 

Woebegone Whimsy: Ginnifer Goodwin, that is the wrong lace! And the wrong color and the wrong dress.
Glinty Rocks: Or maybe Robin Roberts belongs here, with Pauletta Pearson. Both of you rocked it, literally and figuratively!
When Ruffles Go Bad: Alicia Vikander, I am looking at you.

 

 

 

Full Metal Frock: Emma Stone, that was pretty, but felt like armor! (And please relax your shoulders?)
Tuxedo Tantrum: Samuel Jackson, I respect the hell outta ya, but fire your tailor!
Not a Netflix Night: I feared we kept Terrence Howard up past nighty night, but Jared Leto at the Vanity Fair afterparty took it for real for real.

 

 

 

Suited You! Riz, my heart is yours. But Sunny is already giving you a run for it!
Achoo! Octavia Spencer, but go, you, it was lovely!
Blood and Lipstick: Yes, Viola, you can get away with anything!

 

 

 

 

Pantsuit Prowess: Pharrell Williams, *swoon*!
See Right Through Me! Hailee Steinfeld, it was pretty but
Dear Prudence: Oh, Isabelle Huppert. At least Ava Duvernay was making a Statement.

 

 

 

When I’M famous…! Can I just be Taraji P. Hensen when I grow up? Please?
Invisible Man: Andrew Garfield, we could barely see you.
Bad Superhero Costume: Chrissy Teigen. OTOH, Naomi Harris looked like Fashion’s Super (understated) Girl!
Not 12 Anymore: Ryan Gosling, leave the ruffled shirt at the prom!
Sketch was Terrific, but…Leslie Mann: I love a big dress, too, but this wasn’t the year for it, and *this one* was too fussy.

 

See you for the next awards show! Have a great snow day!

*****
(My comments key, just so you have it…)

Didn’t want to see that!  Clothes that flash too much, or the allover-embroidered nudes.
Frankendress:   Big, weird, ugly! You know the ones!
Skating Partners:   Those lovey-dovey couples dressing like one another.
Earrings Ate Your Face:   ’nuff said!
Blond on bland:   She disappeared into her dress.
Yes, It’s Art, but?   Conceptual, but not flattering.
Mermaid Slink:  That Norell/Mackie-style column of sequins.
Giant Meringue:  Tulle overload, wedding gowns gone bad…
Woebegone Whimsey:   Forced but failed cuteness.
Glinty Rocks:   Big, shiny objects (dress or jewelry).
When Ruffles Go Bad:   you get the pic!
Full Metal Frock:   Is it armor or the sun in my eye?
Tuxedo Tantrum:   Messing with a good thing.
Not ‘Netflix ‘n Chill’! :   Too casual; sneakers right out!
Suited you:  Something suity that worked (like Evan Rachel Ward, e.g.)
Achoo! :  Excessively feathered.
Blood & Lipstick:  That’s a lotta red there!
Pantsuit Prowess:  Good use of pants, also ref to Pantsuit Nation.
See Right Through Me! :  Too much sheerness, you know what I mean!
Dear Prudence:  Did Queen Victoria dress you??
When I’M Famous!!:  I SOOO WANT THIS DRESS!!
Invisible Man:  Could you have dressed more ‘Ho, hum’?
Con is Next Door… :Your Sci-fi costume dreams misplaced
Not 15 Anymore…: No, you really *are* too old for that look!
Sketch was Terrific, but…: Interesting dress on paper, not successful 3D.

http://oscar.go.com/red-carpet

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/26/fashion/oscars-red-carpet-dresses-fashion.html

http://www.eonline.com/news/red_carpet

http://tomandlorenzo.com/tag/red-carpet-rundown/

http://www.tourificescapes.com/my-red-carpet-oscars-fan-experience-thanks-to-people-magazine/

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2 Responses to Fairy Tale Pretties…and Oscars Snark

  1. Barry Sharf says:

    Watched live but never observed so closely to all celebrities. Thanks for sharing

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