Tag Archives: Fashion and Textile Studies

BOOTS = HEIGHT x FASHION

Hue recently acquired a top-secret video in conjunction with the graduate student exhibition, Boots: The Height of Fashion, running through April 6.

The video you are about to watch, produced for a graduate studies class, has scenes that have been deemed both informative and amusing, and potentially inappropriate for a museum audience. Consider yourself warned.

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YouTube Direkt

Powerful stuff indeed. Hue is still puzzling over the lessons learned. Here are the facts:

Boots are the height of fashion. Given that the word “of” signifies multiplication, boots = height(figurative) x fashion.

Boots make women feel powerful, the corollary being that boots are a danger to anyone in the path of their wearers. In mathematical terms, boots = danger.

The higher the boot, the more powerful the wearer. Making a simple substitution, height(literal) is proportional to danger.

Finally, boots are sex, status, and rebellion. Therefore, boots = sex + status + rebellion.

Solving for fashion, then:

Fashion = boots / height(f)

Fashion = danger / height(f)

Fashion : height(l) / height(f)

From this we can learn that fashion is proportional to the literal height of the boot divided by its figurative height.

Also, height(f) = (sex + status + rebellion) / fashion

Solving for sex:

Sex + status + rebellion = fashion x height(f)

Sex = fashion x height(f) – status – rebellion

In other words, sex is nothing more than the height of fashion minus status and rebellion.

Hue senses a pun in here somewhere.